I have so many emotions this morning, so much so, that I can empathize with those who are bipolar. A week from today, we pray we will be holding our baby girl in our arms, and welcoming a new life into this world.
I know most have heard the saying "A watched pot never boils". Just in case you don't know, a pot of water will boil in exactly the same lenght of time, wether or not you watch it, but if you are so impatient that you need to keep watching in the hope it will boil more quickly, it will seem to take FOREVER!!!
I've always been told I'm a patient person, but I feel like that hasn't applied to this situation. I think the stress of it all, the "unkown" has been settleling in on me more so recently than before, knowing it's just around the corner now, but not being in control of it all is the hard part. Thats where faith comes in, and prayers. I know there has been so many of you who pray on our behalfs. I thank you for that.
I know having to put all these little pink clothes back into boxes is a possibility, and I have to fight back the tears just thinking about it. I also know that the grieving process these birth moms have to go through, is one that also brings tears to my eyes. How hard. How painful. How sad. Know wonder most adoptions are open these days, and it always seems so obscure, and different to those observing these open relationships, they are always giving words of "advice" to not get so involved, ect. But I believe that these women were supposed to be a part of our families, and the relationships that we have with them now, I believe we are some how tied to each other in ways, only our Father in Heaven knows.
I know some of you mothers might know what I'm talking about here, do you feel at times, when your setting the table, that someone's missing, or that when your loading the car your forgetting something, or you have random moments, where you get a slight revelation, that there's a spirit that's longing to join your family? Over this past year, I've had several moments, where I feel like I get a glimpse of this little girl, whether its when I'm day dreaming, or washing the dishes, she's never been far from my mind. Then when we met Amy Sept. 15th 2011, and she was already nearly 20 weeks along and, that she found out last May/June she was pregnant, I've realized that little spirit, was letting me know she was on her way to us, and that we needed the time in between to buil a relationship with Amy and her family. I am so grateful for adoption, it truely is a miracle, and it blesses, and strengthens the lives of so many who get to be a part of it. We love you little girl, and Jamyn can't wait to be your big brother, he prays for you daily,
your forever family,